Sayonara Cinema

Cru Jones is a small town high school student, obsessed with BMX riding, and spends every waking moment riding, perfecting tricks, and getting into mischief. When a corporate sponsorship decides that Helltrack - the ultimate BMX track - would be perfect for Cru’s small town atmosphere, Cru sees his chance to make something of himeslf. The sponsors decide to have a open invite for all the local racers, and the winner will get to ride with the professionals. Cru easily wins the open, but when the vile head of Helltrack realizes that Cru may actually win the race, instead of the star of Team Mongoose who previously was a shoe-in to win, Cru learns what happens when you become a wrench in the cog of a money making machine.

I’ve stared at a blank word document more times than I remember trying to figure out how to review this obscure gem. I’ve always wanted to write about it, but I’ve realized that I can not neatly fit it into what most of my long time readers will no doubt know as my “format” - a spoiler free synopsis followed by input on director, cast, writer, followed by a little bit on the genre said film is in, and then a quaint wrap up. Does anyone really care that Hal Needham directed this? That a pre-Full House Lori Loughlin is the romantic lead? How much blatent product placement is spread through the entire movie? And sadly, since this film is almost impossible to find as the VHS and laserdisc are long out of print and the red tape trying to figure out who the hell owns the now bankrupt Embassy will ensure this never sees DVD, anyone who even wants to see it won’t be able to. So instead, you get a passionate and nigh obsessive story about me and my relationship with this movie.

Now, when I was a kid I had a babysitter who lived across the street and had RAD on video. Every time she came over, my brother and I required that she bring this movie and Super Mario Bros 2 for the Nintendo, which she had to beat. I absolutely loved this movie, and as kid it probably ranked higher than STAR WARS, GOONIES or TOP GUN as most frequently watched movie. And that is saying a lot. I loved watching all the riders performing their tricks, especially the opening and closing title sequences featuring silhouetted bikers on a dusk lit road. The characters were clearly defined as good and bad, and it was a blast just waiting for the first shot of the Helltrack race, as twenty bikes drop down and impossibly steep ramp. And I just knew, I just knew, that Cru would win the race in the end. And he always did!

I had a BMX at the time, a low-grade model that specifically had a sticker on it saying it was not meant for ramp use. After seeing RAD for the first time, the following day I took a screwdriver and completely removed the front brakes on the bike, so I could freely spin the handle bars like I saw in the movie. But instead of pulling off the move, all I got was a face full of gravel. Ramps proved just a fruitless, and back then with helmets being mildly “recommended” rather than the requirements they are today, you can guess a few headaches were roundly received. I never did get any BMX skills under my belt. Hell, I never even figured out how to bunny hop. But every time I got on that bike, I was Cru Jones. Real Life’s “Send Me An Angel” hummed through my head. I was convinced I would meet a girl also riding her bike. Every ditch and bump, every small downward slope was part of Helltrack.

Cut to 2000. DVD is still in its early growth, and I have had a mission for the past five years - to get a copy of RAD and EWOKS: THE BATTLE FOR ENDOR for my very own. Frustrated that they hadn’t been released yet on DVD (why wouldn’t they?! I kept asking) I was about to give up hope. Then, as if handed the Holy Grail itself, my friend informed me that a video store was going out of business and he had seen RAD there. The fact that I was at work didn’t stop me. And with a “I’ll be back in an hour or two” I was off like a shot in my teal green 1993 Chevy Beretta (with matching teal hubcaps no less) to the promised land. Twenty-five minutes and six dollars later, I had not one, but both VHS I had been searching for in my hands! Three dollars a piece and they were all mine! That night I sat down with my roommate and we watched RAD. I was nine years old again, and I loved every minute. My quest was complete.

I sold the RAD tape on Half.com for fifty-five bucks later that year, as I school finances to pay. It was a very tough, but sadly necessary decision (BATTLE FOR ENDER, by the way, went for twenty-three). Soon after, I picked up a less-than-reputable laserdisc-to-DVD transfer, which sits on my shelf to this day smiling as happy as a kid whose just taken the training wheels off a bicycle for the first time. There will never be a quality DVD with a widescreen transfer. There will never be a commentary by Hal Needham with the cast and crew. There will never be a lame, photoshopped cover featuring Lori Loughlin’s head instead of the awesome original poster. There will never be a “where are they now?” documentary, or a featurette on the BMX fad. And in a way, that is how it should be.

Originally conceived by Kurt Cobain, and completed by Krist Novoselic and Dave Grohl, this documentary of sorts compiles live footage of Nirvana, mostly from 1992 and some from 1993 as they play around the world. The first hour of the documentary quickly leaps from one song to the next, and about the 65 minute mark veers off into a strange multilayer, almost unintelligible collage of sound and video piece of post-modern art that can catch the viewer off guard. It then veers back into a live rendition of Endless Nameless (the hidden CD track off Nevermind) and an anarchic montage of the band destroying their instruments at the end of their shows.

Intercut between the songs, the three band mates discuss their newly discovered and unwanted uber-popularity, their take on what punk rock is, their thoughts on corporate rock, and snippets of them goofing off via media interviews and self shot camcorder. News footage, mostly from the Mtv News archives, is also interwoven. Watching them play, listening to what and how they play, listening to what they say you can see that they almost want the majority of their newfound fans via Smells Like Teen Spirit to hate them and stop listening to them. They never expected to get where they are, and on several occasions during the interview complain that they aren’t able to do smaller venue shows anymore.

It was an early Sunday (or was it Saturday) morning in April, 1994 when my brother’s friend called looking for him, and asked me if I had heard Kurt had committed suicide. An huge Nirvana fan at the time, I thought he was joking, but when I turned the TV on, I immediately found out the awful truth. I don’t remember anymore what my initial feelings were, but I do remember thinking that now I would never be able to see Nirvana perform, and that I was angry at what he had done.

Kurt was one of the main influences for me to pick up the guitar and to pick up a pen. I will shamelessly defend my opinion that, whether they want to be or not, Nirvana became the most important and influential bands to come out of the nineties, and they were an important part of my growing up. They are one of the last bands to come along to really define an entire movement or part of a generation (maybe there have been others since, but I can’t think of one and would blindly argue that they have not made as big an impact) and their hard-rock-hard-pop-alternative-pop-punk sound will forever echo in the halls of history.

My favorite part of the documentary, and I think it kind of boils down Nirvana, is their performance on some British talk show. After the very cheeky look-how-hip-I-am host makes a few promo announcements, he introduces that Nirvana will now play Lithium. Instead they thrash right into Territorial Pissings and then of course destroy their instruments. Call it childish, call it selfish, call it juvenile. I call it freedom of choice and expression, and I thank them for instilling it in me.

As horror films continue to push the limits in suspense and gore, film viewers become all the more jaded and numb to what they witness on screen. What was once innovative and boundary breaking in now boring. The slow build-up of suspense and atmosphere that once dominated the silver screen has been replaced (for the most part) by flashy murder sequences, shallow character development to the point of stereotyped cliche and the dreaded MTV-style editing to hide a director or cinematographers lack of talent.

Although there are still many excellent horror films coming out both in the US and around the world, the production cycle has once again returned to the photocopy and mimic movie mill where films are churned out in a rapid succession to capitalize on the latest “it” theme.

It is in these desperate times that reflection on past cinematic achievements must be made, to remember what made cinema so frightening to moviegoers years ago, and learn from these classics. In these films atmosphere, lighting, music, direction, camera shots, editing and acting were all looked at with respect and used as tools to the best of their ability. Given the limitations of filmmaking back then, the strengths of one were used to mask the weaknesses of another to great affect.

In this look back on horror from the past, the first submitted is WHITE ZOMBIE, a somewhat-overlooked classic that was once thought to be lost forever.

WHITE ZOMBIE (1932) A soon-to-be-married couple are invited to have their ceremony on the Haitian estate of Mr. Beaumont. But his invitation is but a trick, for he has turned to Murder Legendre (Bela Lugosi) who holds the power to control the dead, for a way to make the woman his. Legendre uses his potion to turn Madeleine into a walking corpse for Beaumont, who quickly realizes the error of his ways. When he attempts to free Madeleine, Legendre sends his legion of zombies after Beaumont, and plans to make Madeleine his instead.

Lugosi here is at the top of his game, having just come off of DRACULA before making this movie. The film’s story uses the Haitian walking corpse mythology to bring the undead creatures to the screen. It is filled with classic horror atmosphere, a haunting music score, and what must have been shocking images at the time of its release of the soulless dead working the sugar cane fields and submitting to every command of the zombie master. Before zombies became Romero-ified, this is how the dead rose from the Earth.

As DVD, DVR, and Video On Demand among other technological advances become the normal and popular form of home entertainment viewing, the mighty, clunky and combersome VHS has all but been erased (no pun intended) from existance. Within a few years, VHS will become myth and legend, told by oldertimers who grew up with the ancient recording device.

Unfortunately, as VHS dies out, so does the access to many films that due to copyright, availability, etc have not made it to the next generation of home viewing technology. Chief among them are the hordes of low-budget, independently produced features that found their niche and fans as rentals in a video store. Many of these production companies have since gone out of business, and their labors of love stuck in the limbo of red tape. Sayonara Cinema is committed to making sure that these films at least are remembered, and hopefully sought out by those who may have missed them the first time around. Some fans have gone so far as to transfer them to DVD-R in the hopes that they will be preserved. Tread carefully in this grey market, though it may be the only way they’ll ever been seen again.

In upcoming posts, these films which are ever increasing in rarity, will be highlighted. Even if you don’t seek them out, burn their names into your collective film memory, and they will never be forgotten. The first of these films is…

THE VIDEO DEAD (1987) A cursed television that only plays a zombie movie over and over again is discovered in the attic of a house when a new family moves in. When the television is turned on, the zombies escape into suburbia, and it is up to the children and a crazy Texan to hunt down the zombies and destroy the TV once and for all.

Somehow, this film slips through the cracks of most zombie fans Top 10 films. It is crudly made and badly acted, with horrible make up designs, jokes the fall flat, no gore and no scares. This is one of those movies that was made basically to cash in on the VHS horror renting mania of the 80’s, and probably didn’t even get rented that much. It is good for some unintentional laughs, and ripe for a few friends to sit back, drink some beers, and give it the ol’ MST3K try. It has never been released on DVD, but some mom and pop video stores may have a copy still sitting around.

While I try to remain a “third person point of view” voice and not let politics and personal opinion interfere with reviewing films, I can not hold back my sheer joy of what happened on November 7th and hopefully will happen later this week.

For those of you that may have been watching bad reruns, reality TV, or playing video games, the Democratic party took hold of the House of Representatives for the first time in twelve years. And as another landmark note in history, Nancy Pelosi is set to become the first woman speaker of the house. These are grand times we are living in, even with the shadow of a stalemate war, ever-emboldened terrorists, and the glimmer of a nuclear threat looming over us. This handover, if the cards are played right, could be the first wave of change in American politics, and make for an even more exciting election in 2008, as Bush leaves and hope rests on the future Democrat nomination.

As we move our attention to the upper house, all eyes are on the votes still being tallied and accounted for in Virginia and Montana. As of Wednesday morning, both Democratic hopefuls in these states lead by a razor thin margin. If they can hold this 1% lead, the wind in the sails of the Republicans will quickly deminish as Democrats take over the Senate as well.

In individual states, there were plenty of “hot button” topics on the ballot as well. Unfortunately, several states passed a referendum that would define marriage as between a man and a woman, essentially outlawing any prospects of same-sex marriage. However, up in South Dakota, a law that would have outlawed all abortions in the state was defeated. It is a beacon of light that a woman’s legal right to choose is still valued and this will hopefully create a precident on which to go by if and when attempted laws like this arise in the future.

Come January 1st, any major problems that develop within the US and around the world can no longer be blamed solely on the GOP. There has already been rhetoric being tossed around from both sides about “reaching across the line” and “bi-paritsan cooperation”. It is only by standing true to these words that any prospect of reuniting a country that has been torn in two over the past six years will come to fruition. The American people have made their voices heard. Let’s see if they will honor our requests, or if we will have to start shouting and demanding in another two years.